On This Day After The Most Historic Day In History, I Must Discuss...

My Weekend...

1st Off... Much Respect To... As Of 12 PM Tuesday Afternoon, Our New President Barack Hussein Obama... You Have A Major Step Ahead Of You... And By Unarguably The Most Attended Inauguration EVER, The People Support You... Long Road Ahead, Commander In Chief... Let's Make That Change...

Friday, After Work, I Rolled Out With Some Co-Worker's To TGIFriday's As We Usually Do On Friday's After Work... Well, We Got There And Proceeded To Get Our Bevarges On... Well, A Pair Of My Coworkers Were There Earlier And Met A Young Lady... So She Joined Us In A Drink... Or Two... Or Five...

Well, I Don't Know What Happened Next... But I Look Up After Coming Back From The Juke Box To See This Young Lady Have A Drink Tossed On Her By One Of My Coworkers... Do I Know What Happened? No... Did We Pay The Bill And Leave? Yes... Suffice It To Say... We MAY Not Be Allowed In This Lovely Establishment... Dammit... The Sliders Were Great...

Saturday, I Played Paintball... Well,,, Let Me Explain Something About This Game... It Was At An Indoor Place... And It Was Fun... And It Was A Birthday Party... For A Twelve Year Old... He Invited Me To His Party, So Of Course, I Played... And I Caught One In The Eye...

Just Picture Me Running Around With A Bunch Of Kids And Another Adult On The Other Team... I Was Allowed To Shoot Only The Adult... But The Kids Were Allowed To Shoot Whoever They Wanted... Which Apparently Included Their Own Teammate... Yes... I Was NYPD'ed By My Own Squad...



Maaaaan... These Kids Were Killin' Me... Literally... And A Fun Day Was Had By All... True Story... And The Paintball Battles Inspired The Song Of The Day...

Song Of The Day: Whar - The Rza feat. Kool G. Rap And Ghostface Killah
Get It Here

ROAD TRIP BLOG... ROAD TRIP!!!

What's The Good Word, All? I Am Actually Writing This On A Bus To Maryland To Go Visit My Daughter... Some Of Y'all Maryland Readers Have Probably Seen Me On The Red Line And Didn't Realize... I Was The One That Looks Completely New York... I Stand Out...

Which Reminds Me Of The First Time I Took The 'Metro'...I Got On The Red Line Drinking A Soda... I Did Not Know You Can't Do That... Hell, In New York, I've Eaten A 4 Chicken Wings And Rice Combo On The 'E' Train... Well, An Officer Came Over To Me:

Officer: Sir, Are You From Around Here...
ILL: No, Officer, I Am From New York...
Officer: Well, You Can't Drink Anything On The Metro...
ILL: (closes drink and puts in jacket) No Problem, Officer...

Lesson Learned... I Can't Believe I Was Gonna Get A Ticket For Quenching My Thirst... But I Digress...

I Am On My Way To Visit My Daughter For Her 1st Basketball Game Of The Season And For A Father/Daughter Dance. Now, My Schedule Changed So I Don't Visit Her As Much As I Used To... But This Woman Made An Inappropriate Comment To My Ex When She Signed My Daughter Up For The Dance...

Ex De ILL: I'd Like To Sign Jazmine Up For The Father/Daughter Dance...
Evil Woman: Really?
Ex De ILL: Yes. Really. Why?
Evil Woman: What Are You Gonna Do, Wear A Shirt, Tie And A Beard?

What? This Woman Is Assuming That Just Because She Doesn't See Me @ Any Events Is Because Most Are Held During The Week... I Live In New York... My Work Hours Are Crappy... Does This Woman Know About The Time I Left Work Early To Get On A Bus To Make My Daughter's First Confession Before Her Communion Just To Leave THAT Night To Make Work The Next Day? Does She Know That I Get Her During Spring Break? Or That For A Week In The Summer, She Stays With Me?

My Ex Said She Took Care Of It, But I Wanna See This Woman... Just So She Knows I Exist... And I Can Spit In Her Fruit Punch... Aaaoooowwww...

Song Of The Day:
Ed O. G. & Da B. U. L. L. D. O. G. S. - Be A Father To Your Child
(TO BE ADDED WHEN I AM BACK HOME... SORRY)

Dear Kurt Warner,

Hi... My Name Is ILL.... U May Remember Me From Such Great Songs As Hamhocks Con Arroz, Klowns Need Love Also And From Dawn Of The Dead Where My Role As Zombie 538 Garnished Me An Oscar Nomination...

I Was Watching You Guys Play The Atlanta Falcons On Saturday... You Guys Looked Good... You Hit Fitzgerald For 43 Yards On The Flea Flicker... You Hit Boldin On The 71 Yard Catch And Run... Great... Hell, Even Edge Was Running Like He Was 25 Years Old Again... So Mr. Warner... Can I Ask You A Question...

WHY... IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY... DID YOU DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND PLAY LIKE SHYT WHEN I HAD YOU ON MY FANTASY TEAM IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF MY MONEY LEAGUE??? 30 Yards... 30 Gott Damn Yards... 90 Feet... If I Was British, It'd Be Meters... When You Brought My Beloved Giants Down, I Didn't Say Nothing... When You Took Matt Leinart's Starting Job, I Wasn't Mad At You...

BUT IN MY MONEY LEAGUE? 30 YARDS?

Mr. Warner, I Hope That Your Next Concussion (Which Will Be Coming Thanks To That Offensive Line) Knocks You Out... Not Enough To End Your Career... But Enough To Get You On Bed Rest... And I Hope You Log Onto The Internet.. And I Hope You Accidentally Come Across This Blog... After You Are Done Looking At The Now Defunct Arena League Standings Where You Were A Star... After You Relive The Glory Days Of Your St. Louis Rams... After You Recall Your Nights Out At Scores When You Were With The Giants... I Hope You Wind Up HERE... Don't Let Me See You In The Street... The Song Of The Day Is Dedicated To You And That Bullshyt Performance In My Championship Game...

Song Of The Day: Santogold - Shove It
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Hellllooooooooo, 2009!!!

My President Said Change… And I Will… Tis I… The Illest Klown This Side Of Pennywise… Welcoming You Bastards And Bastardettes Into The World Of ILL… A Klown’s Eye View If You Will…

While Everyone Was Out On New Year’s Eve Having Fun, I Was Also… I Was At The Gentleman’s Establishment… Yes… Yes I Was…

Free Champagne At Midnight… Drink Specials… Does It Get Any Gooder Than That? Yes, It Does… There Was A Free Buffet... A BUFFET!!! Yes, I Was Nasty And Ate At The Strip Club...

I Always Manage To Leave An Impression Everywhere I Go… Whether It Be My Bin Laden Beard (Which I Trimmed To Bring In The New Year) Or My Tattoos (Conversation Pieces 101)… This Year, My Lasting Impression Was $2 Bills… No… Really… Look…



Now The Funny Part Of The 2 Dollar Bills... The Ladies Of The Club LOVED It... The Bartender LOVED IT... Hell, Someone Gave Me $10 For 2 Bills... I Made A $6 Profit... And The Guy Liked My $2 Bill Style So Much, He Bought Me Two Shots Of Patron... Which Should Disturb Me That A Guy Bought Me Drinks... No McGreevey...

I Digress... I Had An Enjoyable Evening And Managed To Stay Outta Any Sort Of Trouble... Which Is A Good Thing...

Except When I Got To Dunkin' Donuts...

I Was About To Get On The Train And I Asked The Guy For An XL White Hot Chocolate... I Believe The WHITE That Is Added To The Hot Chocolate Is Crack... Cause These Things Are Addictive... He Brought Me A Small Regular Hot Chocolate...

Me: Sir, I Asked For An Extra Large White Hot Chocolate...
Cashier: No... You Asked For A Hot Chocolate...

Now Imagine That Thing Said 3 Times Over... That Is How The Conversation Went... Well, I Finally Did Get My Hot Chocolate... Went Downstairs To The Train Station...

And 30 Seconds Later... My Train Came In... This Was At 5 AM... Not Bad... So I Thank The Minimum Waged Clerk For Holding Me Up... And The Train I Was To Transfer To... Pulled In The Station When The Train I Was On Pulled In... Timing...

So As I Walked Through The Door At 5:45 AM... I Looked At My Phone To See All The New Year's Texts I Received... (Sidebar: I Absolutely HATE When You Get A Generic Sent Out To Everyone Text Message Wishing Me And My Family Crap... I Personalize My Texts... And Those Of You Who Received Texts Or Instant Messages Understood... Those Of You That Didn't Receive... I Was Drunk...) I Was Happy To See Another Year... And This Is ILL Wishing You Guys The Best For The New Year... And Get Ready To Be Introduced To The ILL Nonsense Which I Spew...

Song Of The Day: Billy Paul - Let The Dollar Circulate
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