Hellllooooooooo, 2009!!!

My President Said Change… And I Will… Tis I… The Illest Klown This Side Of Pennywise… Welcoming You Bastards And Bastardettes Into The World Of ILL… A Klown’s Eye View If You Will…

While Everyone Was Out On New Year’s Eve Having Fun, I Was Also… I Was At The Gentleman’s Establishment… Yes… Yes I Was…

Free Champagne At Midnight… Drink Specials… Does It Get Any Gooder Than That? Yes, It Does… There Was A Free Buffet... A BUFFET!!! Yes, I Was Nasty And Ate At The Strip Club...

I Always Manage To Leave An Impression Everywhere I Go… Whether It Be My Bin Laden Beard (Which I Trimmed To Bring In The New Year) Or My Tattoos (Conversation Pieces 101)… This Year, My Lasting Impression Was $2 Bills… No… Really… Look…



Now The Funny Part Of The 2 Dollar Bills... The Ladies Of The Club LOVED It... The Bartender LOVED IT... Hell, Someone Gave Me $10 For 2 Bills... I Made A $6 Profit... And The Guy Liked My $2 Bill Style So Much, He Bought Me Two Shots Of Patron... Which Should Disturb Me That A Guy Bought Me Drinks... No McGreevey...

I Digress... I Had An Enjoyable Evening And Managed To Stay Outta Any Sort Of Trouble... Which Is A Good Thing...

Except When I Got To Dunkin' Donuts...

I Was About To Get On The Train And I Asked The Guy For An XL White Hot Chocolate... I Believe The WHITE That Is Added To The Hot Chocolate Is Crack... Cause These Things Are Addictive... He Brought Me A Small Regular Hot Chocolate...

Me: Sir, I Asked For An Extra Large White Hot Chocolate...
Cashier: No... You Asked For A Hot Chocolate...

Now Imagine That Thing Said 3 Times Over... That Is How The Conversation Went... Well, I Finally Did Get My Hot Chocolate... Went Downstairs To The Train Station...

And 30 Seconds Later... My Train Came In... This Was At 5 AM... Not Bad... So I Thank The Minimum Waged Clerk For Holding Me Up... And The Train I Was To Transfer To... Pulled In The Station When The Train I Was On Pulled In... Timing...

So As I Walked Through The Door At 5:45 AM... I Looked At My Phone To See All The New Year's Texts I Received... (Sidebar: I Absolutely HATE When You Get A Generic Sent Out To Everyone Text Message Wishing Me And My Family Crap... I Personalize My Texts... And Those Of You Who Received Texts Or Instant Messages Understood... Those Of You That Didn't Receive... I Was Drunk...) I Was Happy To See Another Year... And This Is ILL Wishing You Guys The Best For The New Year... And Get Ready To Be Introduced To The ILL Nonsense Which I Spew...

Song Of The Day: Billy Paul - Let The Dollar Circulate
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